You should know...

[chenanceou]

When you are dieting believe the scale when it tells you that yes, unfortunately you are still too fat to try to fit into that so-expensive-it-hurts skirt you got before you put on 20K (+- 40 pounds). If you insist, the lovely skirt will tear and you will cry. Like a child who lost her pookie-poh blankie.

Don't trust that other people will get your sense of humour when you are out trying to buy a present for that family member you used to spend your holidays with. A black leather wearing teddy bear that says naughty things when you squeeze its arm isn't everybody's cup of tea. And no, it doesn't mater if the same person used to be the party animal back then, they like to pretend it never happened.

Don't tick off your cousin's wife. She will sit you next to the priest who doesn't bother with the black skirt and Mao collar and you will be informed, in the middle of your broken record (please not again!) thing about the law for same sex marriage taking too damn long to be passed, that no, not only does he disagree with you, but it's his job to think you and your friends are going to burn in hell forever and ever. Addendum: priests can be quite mean.

Don't talk about that time you did that thing with that guy to the woman who is next to you without checking to see if the camera is on or not. You are the poster child for Murphy's Law and the audio will be picked up and people will hear it and will look at you with both disbelief and amazement in their eyes (I wasn't always this old).

Never say never because you know the universe loves proving you wrong and you will end up searching high and low for a manga title. Lone Wolf and Cub #17, where are you?

Don't watch Definite Article and Dressed to Kill back to back for the whole thing will lead to lovely musings which will make it even more evident that you love Eddie Izzard way more than you should love an executive transvestite you have never met.

I've been properly chastised. Will keep my mouth shut, will not tick off people who do the sitting arrangements to long dinners, will stick to the blasted diet, but there's no way I'm giving up Eddie.

Edit: I put the events in order.

Comments

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

dear god, family gatherings often stink, but this takes the cake.

*hugs*

[chenanceou.livejournal.com]

Best part of the evening was the viewing of the video made during the event - and my long dissertation on bondage.