Porn and the married folks
Sep. 7th, 2005 07:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chenanceouI don't do lunches. Nothing against the actual eating of lunch, but I'm bullshit challenged and I have to live with these people here, so I try to avoid being around them much. Just in case I go and open my mouth and say something that will come and bite me right on my arm.
This time I couldn't get away because the call came while I was too concentrated on something else (Jeeves as in Fry) to come up with my usual inventive and realistic excuse for not doing lunch with the ladies that do lunch a tad too often. So they had me. Lunch.
The restaurant was lovely, as it always is, and reminded me of a French bistro I went to in another life. I go, I greet, I sit. The four other ladies are already vivaciously talking to each other - something about husbands and how bad they can be.
I'm being good. I'm quietly considering the calories in the duck spring rolls and calculating how many hours of cardio it will take so I can get away with what I'm about to eat (my doctor has taken all the fun out of my life).
"So what did he do?"
Apparently the wife found the man's porn collection. There's nary a pause before the women are all emitting noises of disgust for the man's perfidy and the woman's immense stoicism for enduring such a man.
Yes, you must have guessed that it was precisely then that I chose to open my mouth and for what afterwards seemed like a long time, but couldn't have been more than five minutes, talked about how females and males are stimulated by different things, how some of it is pre-programmed and some is culturally imposed, how men are basically visual creatures. How a man, if he's so inclined, looking at other women's breasts, buttocks and every other airbrushed part, doesn't mean he wants you to be that DD blond bunny (stereotype alert!) who likes long beachy walks by moonlight, but that he can love you and use porn. C'mon, if you could have him look like [insert name of favourite actor/singer/celeb] wouldn't you? Or, in the case of this particular group, have as much money as [insert name of favourite billionaire]. But that doesn't mean you don't cherish the man you have at home. It's the same with the males - at least the ones with half a brain - they wouldn't say no if by some miracle their wives suddenly got closer to a physical goddess, but I hadn't heard anybody saying "my husband demands I get implants." And I went on to say that I, for one, thought that there was nothing to be embarrassed about (and we are talking Playboy here, nothing even remotely bordering kinkyland) since sex for a lot of people is already too full of real and fabricated hang-ups so why go add a new one?
I stopped talking and, after a second of silence, somebody said - "Now, I think I'm having the shrimp. How about you?"
I could have answered spotted dick, but it would have been lost on them. I don't even bother getting ticked - it's like talking politics with the right - what for?
The fact that I'm here, stuck, sometimes will get to me. I get called unique to my face and other things behind my back and I deal with it. I hang out with the other unique people who, like me, read comics, are political without being politicians, spend more money on books than on clothes and will sit at the coffee shop and bitch about the latest bad movie/lack of funding for movies/wasted money on crap movies and getting so into it that two hours go by without anybody noticing. That sounded remarkably like a whine. Well, so it is.
Anyway, I wonder how many husbands out there have secret porn stashes. Oh - anybody remember Coupling? The Brit version, not the butchered USA one. When Jeff explains to Susan what it means to be a Porn Buddy - it's basically an agreement to take the buddy's porn in the event of their death before their parents see it. I finally leave you with Jeff and his warped logic:
Susan: "Porn buddies?"
Jeff: "Yeah. You see, in the event of Steve's death, the first thing I'll do is go straight to his place and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it. And he's promised to do the same thing for me. That's how close we are."
Susan: "You guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy each other's dirty videos?"
Jeff: "Who said 'destroy?'"
Susan: "Yeah, well you wouldn't keep them... would you?"
Jeff: "It's a perk."
Susan: "Oh, Jeff..."
Jeff: "That's the beauty of it, you see? Your best friend's dead, but there's a bright side!"
This time I couldn't get away because the call came while I was too concentrated on something else (Jeeves as in Fry) to come up with my usual inventive and realistic excuse for not doing lunch with the ladies that do lunch a tad too often. So they had me. Lunch.
The restaurant was lovely, as it always is, and reminded me of a French bistro I went to in another life. I go, I greet, I sit. The four other ladies are already vivaciously talking to each other - something about husbands and how bad they can be.
I'm being good. I'm quietly considering the calories in the duck spring rolls and calculating how many hours of cardio it will take so I can get away with what I'm about to eat (my doctor has taken all the fun out of my life).
"So what did he do?"
Apparently the wife found the man's porn collection. There's nary a pause before the women are all emitting noises of disgust for the man's perfidy and the woman's immense stoicism for enduring such a man.
Yes, you must have guessed that it was precisely then that I chose to open my mouth and for what afterwards seemed like a long time, but couldn't have been more than five minutes, talked about how females and males are stimulated by different things, how some of it is pre-programmed and some is culturally imposed, how men are basically visual creatures. How a man, if he's so inclined, looking at other women's breasts, buttocks and every other airbrushed part, doesn't mean he wants you to be that DD blond bunny (stereotype alert!) who likes long beachy walks by moonlight, but that he can love you and use porn. C'mon, if you could have him look like [insert name of favourite actor/singer/celeb] wouldn't you? Or, in the case of this particular group, have as much money as [insert name of favourite billionaire]. But that doesn't mean you don't cherish the man you have at home. It's the same with the males - at least the ones with half a brain - they wouldn't say no if by some miracle their wives suddenly got closer to a physical goddess, but I hadn't heard anybody saying "my husband demands I get implants." And I went on to say that I, for one, thought that there was nothing to be embarrassed about (and we are talking Playboy here, nothing even remotely bordering kinkyland) since sex for a lot of people is already too full of real and fabricated hang-ups so why go add a new one?
I stopped talking and, after a second of silence, somebody said - "Now, I think I'm having the shrimp. How about you?"
I could have answered spotted dick, but it would have been lost on them. I don't even bother getting ticked - it's like talking politics with the right - what for?
The fact that I'm here, stuck, sometimes will get to me. I get called unique to my face and other things behind my back and I deal with it. I hang out with the other unique people who, like me, read comics, are political without being politicians, spend more money on books than on clothes and will sit at the coffee shop and bitch about the latest bad movie/lack of funding for movies/wasted money on crap movies and getting so into it that two hours go by without anybody noticing. That sounded remarkably like a whine. Well, so it is.
Anyway, I wonder how many husbands out there have secret porn stashes. Oh - anybody remember Coupling? The Brit version, not the butchered USA one. When Jeff explains to Susan what it means to be a Porn Buddy - it's basically an agreement to take the buddy's porn in the event of their death before their parents see it. I finally leave you with Jeff and his warped logic:
Susan: "Porn buddies?"
Jeff: "Yeah. You see, in the event of Steve's death, the first thing I'll do is go straight to his place and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it. And he's promised to do the same thing for me. That's how close we are."
Susan: "You guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy each other's dirty videos?"
Jeff: "Who said 'destroy?'"
Susan: "Yeah, well you wouldn't keep them... would you?"
Jeff: "It's a perk."
Susan: "Oh, Jeff..."
Jeff: "That's the beauty of it, you see? Your best friend's dead, but there's a bright side!"
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 10:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 11:10 am (UTC)Not that I have anything to hide, y'know, just, well...
no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 11:29 am (UTC)I could make you look right normal ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 11:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 01:24 pm (UTC)Some of these woman thing that by taking porn away from their husbands who are still sexual then they won't feel their own guilt for not wanting sex.
But I also know men who I lived with for 6 years who met me in an erotic writers chat. Once we got together as a couple refused to have sex after a short amount of time and being told that I was insensitive to his needs and it contained that way.
It's always someone else's fault if someone wants something more.
And for so people it's not even about any of the above, it's just that they like porn and they love/desire their mate.
Hugs
Good on you for telling them that.
Date: 2005-09-07 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-07 07:31 pm (UTC)I mean, I have all five seasons of Queer as Folk on DVD, what, I'm going to say something about very tame pictures of naked women? I make salacious comments about Pretty Tortured Boys right in front of him, I'm going to complain when he makes an appreciative comment about some actress? Or even some woman walking down the street? (Poor baby, he keeps thinking I'm going to bust his balls about it, and I keep saying, "Dude, I don't care if you look. Looking is free. Touching, however, will cost you.")
I SO don't get why some women feel perfectly fine about looking at gorgeous men, and then get weird when their husbands look at gorgeous women. Honey, if he ain't looking, you need to be worrying.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:13 am (UTC)Coupling never failed to make me laugh and Jeff, well Jeff was my boy.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:14 am (UTC)Not that *I* need to think about that.
Ah, different strokes of different blokes
Date: 2005-09-08 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:22 am (UTC)Playboy is so very tame. And even if it's more of a Hustle collection - if it's not needs-a-shrink-or-call-the-cops-kinky - leave the man alone.
Re: Good on you for telling them that.
Date: 2005-09-08 01:24 am (UTC)And thank you for the compliments, which I can sincerely and safely make right back!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:29 am (UTC)Looking is actually healthy. For both sides.
And I'm the last one to cast a stone - I look and often. Though I have to confess when it comes to material itself, I'm more of a reading a hot story sort than the looking at pecs and abs and other tidbits.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:33 am (UTC)Our kind of normal, which is the only kind I care about anyway.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-08 01:34 am (UTC)I was talking about this the other day with someone. I think it's because Society dictates that any attention outside of a marriage is "cheating" no matter if it's from having friends to reaching out to someone else. There is a fear that if you can't be everything to the other person then there is something wrong.
This person was commenting that they went to a Christian couple's program and the leaders basically said that it's wrong for people to have desires when they reached the amount of children they want. Promoting masturbation, porn (even if it's tame), and fornication (oral stimulation, petting, etc) is against gods will. The Christian Marriage therapist that they went to suggested that if one person didn't want to have sex -- then they need to find other interests which were church approved. And this person reinforced that Sex is bad, sex is evil, sex will harm ---
It's frustrating.